This blog is written by a lady who enjoys providing Erotic Naturist Massages in Kent

I am a lady who enjoys giving erotic naturist massages in Kent -a specialist Lingam Massage, Kent, UK.

BT Internet users read this

Emailing me? Read this:
I reply to all my emails. If you do not receive a reply from me please check your spam or it may be lost in the world of wifi....
I answer the phone Mon-Fri at about 9am.

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

How should my availability page work on my new website?

I could put up dates, lets say for the week ahead and blank out the days when I am definitely NOT available. I know my dad is coming to visit one day, for example, and my dentist appointment another afternoon.
I know one of my regular clients is visiting me on the Friday morning, so I can mark that as not available too.
what about the other appointments in my diary?

You see some weeks I may have 3 or 4 appointments booked within the next 7 days AND sometimes everyone of them cancels.
Yes not one of them turns up but thankfully at least the vast majority of clients do let me know one or two days before.
If I had blanked all of those spaces other potential clients viewing my diary might not contact me as they think I'm fully booked.  so, I might leave those dates as available even if there are bookings unless I am very confident the client will attend.

From what clients tell me they fall into two categories:
1. Those who can book ahead and like to work this way, there visit to me will be timetabled to fit in with work or specific events.
I must admit I also like to work this way.

2. Those who can only book at the LAST minute - the night before or on the day.
Due to work and other pressures.
Last minute bookings don't work well at the moment so it would be really good to have a better method for those.
I am thinking that what might work for these men is to just know for definite whether I have availability within the next 12-24 hours.  They are not interested in 3 days time.

Thinking as I type here - 
1. perhaps I could put an indicative diary on an availability page.
2. update my availability for the next 24 hours every evening (perhaps 6pm ish) on the very front page

 ****   By the way - it is very rare for someone to simply not turn up but it does happen - to quantify I estimate about 3 times a year. *****  If you are one of those men please have more consideration, it is not normal, most men do not do that.  I could not continue to make a living if everyone did that and as I only usually see one client a day then someone else will have missed the opportunity because the time was held for you.

Monday, 24 March 2014

Suggestions for my new website

I have received quite a few useful suggestions and comments to take on board for my new website.
I think it is going to have lots more pages - I have so much to say -  but I am trying to reorganise the information to be easier to navigate.
Not all the info is relevant to all site visitors.

I am planning:
-  a page that will be regularly updated with my availability.
-  some answers to new FAQs that people send me via email.
-  the prices will stay exactly the same.

Hopefully the new website will be online next week.

Friday, 21 March 2014

99% nice guys, 1% lecherous creeps

If you have read my website but never visited me it may be very hard for you to understand how just a tiny minority of clients are annoying and seem like lecherous creeps.  Surely every session is the same, what is it that those men do that is different.

Well most men come to enjoy what I have to offer.  This minority come with their own agenda not wanting to understand or try the experience offered.

There is a pattern of behaviour and conversation that takes place with certain men, they obviously think it is normal but it is not.

For example, their eyes are open most of the session looking at me, not just looking (of course normal people will have their eyes open sometimes, we will chat and make eye contact) but starring in a lecherous way?  And they even make many comments about looking at me.

Another thing will be - the conversation, it is not the subject of the comments themselves but the way they are said and the many times they say the same thing: e.g. my appearance and that my clients must want to touch me.
No it is not normal to make many comments along these lines and my silence is because I have no POLITE reply to give you.

Another thing will be - instead of relaxing to enjoy the mystery of what will happen and experience the feelings of touch on their skin they stay totally alert and perhaps trying to control what is happening.  Remember, for most people this session is about experiencing with ALL the senses, especially making the most of touch and imagination.
I would conclude, therefore, that their experience of the session is totally different to the majority who float out of here after having a sensational experience.

It really is their loss.  My service is explained on the website and is very expensive, I expect these men would be better served by some other service provider.

This behaviour really could make a women uncomfortable:
I am approaching 50 years of age and have done this job for more years than you can imagine so I refuse to feel uncomfortable - instead I'm distracted from my job and annoyed.

So what do I do? Should I say Something?
As a professional I treat all clients with the greatest respect and I say nothing.  I have cut 2 hour sessions short to 90 minutes and refunded the £30.  I have smiled as they left and made a note to never accept another appointment from that person, at least one has tried to book again.
I do not ever point out that their behaviour is creepy, strange or annoying because they have paid a great deal of money to visit me, maybe they are leaving on a high so I do not want to spoil that for them.
I am sure clients who understand the service and relax to enjoy what is really on offer here have a far better time.

What about Men With Real Problems Relating to People?

I do see clients with real problems, communication and relating to people, difficulties talking to women, low self esteem, issues with body image and embarrassed about their sexual performance.
These clients are welcome - I see many men like this, they are in a completely different category to the creepy letch I discuss above.

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Don't Worry - My Business is Totally Legal - WE Are not Breaking the Law When You Visit Me

Thank goodness in the UK if an adult wants to have a naturist or erotic massage there is no law against it.
If a man pays for an erotic lingam massage he is not a criminal.
As a woman who provides that service for many clients I am not breaking any laws.

All common sense you would think.

If you want to enjoy erotic touch, perhaps you do not have a partner who can do this for you so why not pay a professional?

There are a minority who want to make my clients criminals! They want to make it illegal for anyone to pay for a sexual service.

This minority have the view that if there is no-one in your life willing to have sex with you for free then you are NOT entitled to make any other arrangements.

Those people must think sex and touch are not important - but they are.

Don't worry though, I'm fairly certain they won't get anywhere with that plan.

Friday, 14 March 2014

Lingam massage now with extra padding - a more comfortable table!

I have new supper thick padding for my massage table.

I don't think you could be more comfortable anywhere else.

Perfect at men lie there for 90 minutes, 2 hours or even longer....

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Womens Hour & Prostitution to be illegal - clients to be criminals

I got quite cross listening to Radio 4 Woman's hour yesterday on the subject of prostitution.  We heard of a number of women who were "traficed", kidnapped, held as prisoners beaten, raped  and forced into prostitution.  Fortunately those women escaped and lived to tell.
What happened to them is wrong and many criminal offenses were committed under our exiting laws.

I would certainly like to see more done about this and I can't understand how or why some men would choose to pay to have sex (rape) these unwilling victims.

R4 Women's Hour was presenting the case put by the
All-Party Parliamentary Group on Prostitution and the Global Sex Trade
in their new report:Shifting the Burden
you can find it here:

In a nut shell it say that the vast majority of women providing sexual services for sale are:
  • women who were abused as children,
  • drug users
  • subject to violent pimps,
  • regularly meet violent clients,
  • are trapped in a world they would like to escape from,
  • are subject to crime because they are fearful of the police.

This might describe some women but I seriously doubt if applies to most and it certainly does NOT describe me!

I think of my good friend who has worked as a self employed "escort" for over 20 years.  When she was unfortunately threatened with violence and robbed by a client she did not hesitate to call the police. The man was wanted for various violent crimes, was arrested and went to prison for several years.  There was no problem for my friend, as a prostitute (and tax payer) she is not a criminal, she was not scared of the police and she was happy to testify in court against him.

You may think that proves sex-workers meet violent clients.  Not really, that was only one in thousands of clients she has seen, whereas I hear teachers, nurses and doctors are regularly threatened and bank staff hide behind big counters and bullet proof glass!

Why is this issue important.
Well if you turn to the recommendations of the report, the All Parliamentary Group say:

  • Criminalise the MEN who pay for sexual services.

I don't have sex with my clients but even if I did currently it is not against the law.  Neither I nor my clients are committing any criminal offence.

It would seem that the All Parliamentary Group will turn my clients in to criminals and will turn the clients of my friend in to criminals.

Our legitimate and respectable business will suffer and may close, whereas it will be business as usual for those people who already keep women as prisoners to rape them.

I could say so much more... but I will let you think on it.

Thursday, 6 March 2014

Increase Stamina and Lingam Massage

Clients sometimes ask about if or how a Lingam Massage could increase their sexual stamina.

Sometimes I am a bit vague with my answer saying I can't guarantee anything it is down to them - which is true but not very helpful.  Sorry about that.

So I thought I should pull some useful advice together - perhaps in preparation for my planned revamped website...

There are lots of good stuff already on the www so let me start by giving you some links to what I think are good advice:

A good place to start is always wikipedia is here is the article on premature ejaculation.  In relation to the wiki article the process I am using is the Stop Start refinement to the Masters and Johnson approach.

Have a look at these:

How to Last Longer: by M Okan

When you read around you will see there are different top tips according to who you talk to and that is why I am giving you the links.  things I think are less important and that I wouldn't even mention might be exactly what you need, we are all different.

In my opinion (and it is just that) I think some of the top things are:

  • stop worrying about cuming too soon!
  • Try not to have an agenda when enjoying sensual touch (sex)
  • Turn off your mind - we often have internal monologues going on - try to switch it off
  • Practice thinking about something else - when I am touching your penis think about what is going on in your feet at the moment, or think about the smell in the room, or the sound of the music - I deliberately have interesting stimulating music that can be both complimentary or distracting to the lingam massage.
  • Don't be afraid to speak to me and tell me to stop and touch some where else, sometimes I do not realise me clients are over the edge of no return!

Lets talk about Breathing and Ritual to Increase sexual stamina!

Almost every book and article on the subject will talk about breathing including those I have linked to.
Tarkovsky describes a certain way of breathing.  If this works for you fine. Personally I do not think it has to be done in this way, I think the point of the ritual is two fold:

  1. it makes you focus your thoughts on the breathing and away from other matters in hand!  
  2. it ensures you bring plenty of oxygen in to your body (chances are you may be holding your breath or taking shallow breaths without realising.

Therefore, I think any process that makes you think about breathing deeply, rhythmically will work.
Breathing helps you to relax.
When we train in massage we learn that if you tell someone to relax they will instantly tense up - we don't know what that means, if we tell people t think about there breathing (and perhaps pace it with them) this relaxes them without them even realising.

Let me know what you think and send me links to other articles.  If you leave a message on this blog it is not published instantly, it is moderated. You can email me at