Choosing a Sensual Massage Therapist for the best experience in the UK

Choosing a massage therapist can be a minefield. There is so much variety and everyone seem to offer the world, or the moon on a stick.

This is another post on my series about stress relief when recovering from life's traumas.

If you are feeling particularly vulnerable and want to feel safe and nurtured then you aren't looking for a pretty young woman with nail extensions.

Oh, no. Not nail extensions. These will be a sure sign that the person is NOT trained or qualified in massage. 

When you're healing from stress and recovering from trauma. You're not just choosing someone to work on your muscles—you’re choosing someone to hold space for your nervous system, your boundaries, and your emotional safety.

That’s where trauma-informed care comes in. A trauma-informed massage therapist isn’t necessarily a therapist in the psychological sense, but they are someone who understands that bodies carry stories—and that safety is the foundation of healing.

What Does "Trauma-Informed" Really Mean?

At its core, being trauma-informed means recognizing that:

• Trauma is common, and not always visible

• The client might not want to talk about it

• The body stores trauma in many ways

• Touch can be healing—but it can also be triggering

• Clients need choice, consent, and control at every step

A trauma-informed therapist doesn’t need to know your whole story. They don’t need a diagnosis or a breakdown of your past. What they do need is an awareness that your body might be carrying things it’s not ready to release quickly—and the skill to create a session that respects that.

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What a Trauma-Informed Massage Therapist Does:

✅ Explains what to expect before and during the session
✅ Checks in during the session in a gentle, non-disruptive way
✅ Respects your boundaries without question
✅ Welcomes feedback about pressure, temperature, positioning, or anything else
✅ Understands dissociation, freezing, or emotional release and holds space without judgment
✅ Knows how to pause or adjust if you become overwhelmed

You don’t have to “perform” wellness or explain your trauma. You get to just be there—exactly as you are.

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What a Trauma-Informed Massage Therapist Doesn’t Do:

🚫 Push past your stated limits
🚫 Use techniques you didn’t agree to
🚫 Pressure you to talk or explain your emotions
🚫 Interpret emotional responses without consent
🚫 Assume that silence = comfort

A trauma-informed therapist knows: your body knows best. Their job is to support that wisdom—not override it.

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Questions You Can Ask Before Booking

Don’t be afraid to ask these things up front. A good therapist will appreciate your honesty:

• “Do you have experience working with trauma survivors?”

• “How do you handle emotional release or overwhelm during a session?”

• “Are you comfortable going slowly or adjusting pressure if I need?”

• “Can I keep some areas of my body off-limits?”

• “Is it okay if I don’t want to talk during the session?”

Their answers should make you feel safe, not sold to. Your comfort matters more than their style.

HERE ARE MY ANSWERS, if you were to visit me:

YES! I have seen many clients over the years who have themselves going through or living with or recovering from all types of tough things... if you can think of it I have seen it.

We can stop. We can talk. We can be silent. I can hold you, or just hold your hand. You can cry, you wouldn't be the first.

Very rarely does someone ask me to adjust pressure or speed, I think I am a good judge and mostly get it right. But speak up if I have misjudged on this occasion.

You can keep some part of your body off limits, that is fine. BTW: The most common request is for me not to touch feet (and even this is rare. Most often it is because of ticklish feet, in which case I will ask you to trust me to try to touch you without tickling. It usually works well.

It is OK to talk. Usually we are silent throughout the massage. But talking is certainly acceptable. I do not instigate it.

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You Deserve Safety and Respect

When you've experienced trauma, even small acts of choice and control can be deeply healing. A trauma-informed massage therapist helps you reclaim that power, in a space where your body is not analyzed or judged—but simply supported.

In the next post, we’ll explore something beautiful and a little mysterious: how touch without words can rebuild trust—and why massage is more than muscle work.

What Type of Sensual Massage Should You Choose

Not all massage is the same. 

This post is a continuation of my series on stress, destressing and recovering from trauma.

If you are recovering or going through a difficult period in your life style of massage you choose—and the person giving it—can make a big difference.

Some types of massage go deep, work fast, or aim to “fix” things. Some have no attention to the connection between body and mind.

Others take a slower, more intuitive approach. When it comes to healing from trauma, slower is often better. Gentler is often safer. And permission is everything.

This post offers an overview of massage modalities that may support trauma recovery, and how to find what feels right for you.

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🌿 Swedish Massage

Best for: Deep relaxation, grounding, and gentle reconnection to the body.

This is what most people think of as “classic” massage. Long, flowing strokes, soft lighting, and a quiet space to breathe. It’s not about digging into muscles—it’s about softening the whole system. Swedish massage can help your body downshift from fight-or-flight into rest-and-digest, which is essential for trauma recovery.

If you're unsure where to start, this is a good first step.

THIS IS Specifically the type of massage that I do.

 

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🌊 Craniosacral Therapy

Best for: Subtle, energetic, and deeply calming bodywork.

This is one of the most gentle forms of bodywork. The practitioner uses very light touch—often holding the head, spine, or sacrum—to help your body release patterns of tension. You may feel like “nothing is happening,” but many people report a sense of emotional release, warmth, or dreamlike stillness. 

Especially helpful for those who are sensitive or overwhelmed by touch.

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🌺 Lomi Lomi (Traditional Hawaiian Massage)

Best for: Heart-centered healing, emotional flow, and a sense of spiritual safety.

Lomi Lomi uses rhythmic, wave-like strokes that feel continuous and nurturing. It’s often described as feeling “held” rather than worked on. This approach honors the emotional and energetic body, not just the physical one. In the hands of a trained and respectful practitioner, it can be incredibly nourishing for trauma survivors.

THIS IS actually close to or the same as Swedish massage. These techniques were certainly taught to me and are things that I incorporate in my massage practice. Therefore, I would say that exotic sounding names can be more of a marketing gimmick than an actual different experience.

THIS IS Specifically the type of massage that I do.

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🔄 Myofascial Release

Best for: Releasing long-held patterns of physical or emotional tension.

This approach targets the fascia—connective tissue that wraps around muscles and holds memory. It's often slow and still, with sustained pressure rather than movement. It can feel intense at times, but not painful. It’s about melting into the tissue, not forcing anything open.

A good fit if your trauma is stored in “holding patterns” like chronic pain, tightness, or stiffness.

THIS IS often included within a Swedish massage session and might not be identified under a separate name. 

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🛡️ Deep Tissue Massage

Best for: Specific muscle issues, but with caution in trauma recovery.

This type of massage uses strong pressure to get into deeper layers of muscle. For trauma survivors, this can sometimes feel invasive or overstimulating. That doesn’t mean you can’t receive deep tissue, but it’s important to work with someone who communicates clearly, respects boundaries, and adjusts pressure on request.

It’s okay to say no to intensity. Safety comes before “fixing.”

I do not do this type of massage. 

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✨ Energy Work (Reiki, Polarity Therapy, etc.)

Best for: People who want a non-touch or very light-touch option.

Energy work uses intention and presence rather than muscle manipulation. Some sessions involve no touch at all. These can be a great option for those who aren’t ready for physical contact but still want to feel supported and grounded.

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How to Choose What’s Right for You

• Start with how you want to feel. Do you need to relax, to cry, to rest, to feel warmth or support?

• Trust your intuition. If something feels “too much,” honour that.

• Check out the therapist ahead of time. Read their websites. They will have put all the relevant info there. If they do not mention these things then they don't do them.

• Go slow. You can always go deeper later. You don’t have to push.

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Massage for trauma isn’t about technique—it’s about presence, permission, and care. The right modality, in the right hands, can gently help you come home to yourself.

In the next post, we’ll talk about what it means to work with a trauma-informed massage therapist, and why that matters more than the style they use.

Sensual Massage for Stress Relief in the UK

For many people, trauma isn’t just a memory —something that happened in the past — it’s an ongoing experience that lives in the body. 

We call it stress.

It shapes how we feel, move, and respond to the world around us.

Trauma doesn’t just happen to the body—it lives there.

The Nervous System: Our Inner Alarm

Our bodies are wired to protect us. When something overwhelming or threatening happens, our nervous system kicks into gear—fight, flight, or freeze. These responses are natural and even lifesaving. But trauma occurs when we don’t get to complete the cycle. When we’re stuck in a moment we couldn’t escape, resist, or process.

In the aftermath, our bodies may stay on high alert. Muscles stay tense. Breathing becomes shallow. Sleep is disrupted. We may feel numb, disconnected, or like we’re always waiting for something bad to happen—even when we’re safe.

Signs of Stress: Trauma Might Be Stored in the Body

• Chronic tension, especially in the jaw, neck, shoulders, or hips

• Holding the breath or breathing high in the chest

• Startle response to sound or touch

• Feeling frozen, spaced out, or outside your body

• Difficulty relaxing—even when nothing’s wrong

• A general feeling of being “on edge” or emotionally raw

This isn’t just in your head. It’s in your tissues, your fascia, your nervous system.

Massage as Stress Relief

Massage doesn’t “fix” trauma. But it can offer a way back into the body, slowly and gently. 

Therapeutic touch invites the nervous system to shift from survival mode into rest mode. It helps the body release held tension—not just in the muscles, but in the deeper layers of experience.

When done with care and consent, massage can say to the body:
You don’t have to hold this anymore.
You’re safe here.
Let go.

For some, the experience is subtle—a sense of calm or lightness after the session. For others, it may be emotional, even cathartic. There’s no right or wrong way to respond.

Safety First

Because trauma lives in the body, bodywork can sometimes stir it. That’s why working with a trauma-informed therapist is so important. They’ll know how to read your signals, check in without pressure, and respect your boundaries at every step.

In upcoming posts, we’ll explore what “trauma-informed massage” actually looks like—and how different massage styles might affect the healing process.

For now, it’s enough to remember:
Healing isn’t just about talking.
It’s about feeling—when you’re ready, in your own time.

Sensual Massage Therapy in the UK and Get Over It

Stiff Upper Lip Syndrome - don't cry over spilt milk, just get over it.

All so easy to say, and embedded into our culture. But what about when getting over it isn't so easy. 

Where is the fresh start on a new day?

What has happened to you? Was it sudden and catastrophic—an accident, a war, a natural disaster. Or a  quieter, more invisible wound such as a long illness, a childhood without safety, a painful breakup, years of chronic stress, or grief that lingers long after a loss.

At its heart, trauma is not just the event—it’s the impact it leaves behind. It’s what happens inside us when something overwhelms our ability to cope.

Trauma Comes in Many Forms

You might be recovering from:

• A single, intense event (an assault, a car accident)

• A long-term situation (abuse, neglect, caregiving burnout)

• Emotional losses (a death, divorce, estrangement)

• Physical illness or injury

• Burnout or breakdown from relentless pressure

• Even joyful transitions (parenthood, moving, coming out) can stir deep emotional stress

There is no hierarchy. If something hurt you, changed you, or left a mark—it matters.

How Trauma Shows Up in the Body

Trauma lives on in the mind. It settles into the body. You might feel:

• Tension that won’t release

• Exhaustion that rest doesn’t fix

• Trouble sleeping, relaxing, or feeling safe

• A sense of disconnection—from others or from yourself

• A racing heart, shallow breath, or physical discomfort with no medical explanation

This is the body’s way of saying, “I’m still bracing for impact.”

Massage and other somatic practices work with the body to slowly unwind that holding pattern.

Recovery Is a Process, Not a Destination

Recovery doesn’t mean forgetting, ignoring, or forcing yourself to move on. It means learning to be with your experience in a new way—gently, patiently, and with support. Massage can be part of that support. It offers a quiet, nonverbal path to reconnecting with your body and reminding yourself: I’m safe now. I can soften here.

In other posts, I explore exactly how massage works with the nervous system and why certain kinds of touch may feel more nurturing or more activating, depending on your story. Keep reading and watch out for my future posts.

For now, remember this: if you’re carrying something heavy, you are not alone—and you don’t have to carry it forever.

Sensual Massage and How it can Help Recovery

 

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Massage and Recovery: Touch Can Heal

Are you ready for touch? To let go? For intimacy? To trust someone else.. a stranger.. in a safe space for a short time?

Trauma touches us all at some point—whether through overwhelming experiences, periods of deep sadness, physical illness, or emotional upheaval. 

Recovery is rarely linear, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. But along the path to healing, one tool may be massage.

Not a Cure—But a Companion
Let’s be clear: massage is not a cure for trauma. It won’t undo the past or replace therapy, medication, or other vital resources. But what it can offer is a gentle, grounding space where the body begins to feel safe again. Think of it as one piece of a larger mosaic.

Letting Go of Control
Trauma often leaves us feeling hypervigilant or disconnected from our bodies. During massage, something subtle but profound can happen: we soften. The quiet room, the rhythmic pressure, the steady hands—it all creates an invitation to surrender. Not in a frightening way, but in a safe, slow, almost dreamlike way. For an hour or so, we give up control and drift into a half-sleep, out-of-body space. In that stillness, the nervous system can recalibrate, if only a little.

Building Trust Without Words
Massage offers a rare kind of intimacy—one that doesn't require words. Trusting a massage therapist means allowing someone close, physically and energetically. For those healing from trauma, this can be a powerful experience: to be touched with care, held in safety, and not asked to explain. 

A Gentle Path Forward
Not everyone will feel ready for touch. And that’s okay. But for those who are, massage can be a soft, supportive presence on the journey of recovery. It can remind us that our bodies are not just sites of pain, but also of comfort, presence, and renewal.

It this speaks to you, you will know it.