Holding Back or Difficulty Achieving Orgasm: Anorgasmia & Lingam Massage

I think most people who meet me feel comfortable to discuss their problems if they want to. Sometimes, it takes 2 or 3 visits before they confide in me.

I don't have all the answers, but sometimes it can be helpful to just talk.

Today, I want to tell you about one tiny subset of clients I've seen over the years who rarely discuss their particular Problems. But I know it when I see it.

I'm unsure if they are embarrassed or don't want to admit they have a problem. They might not even acknowledge the Problem to themselves.

MASSAGE for Sexual Dysfunction

It is  a sexual dysfunction with a technical name: Anorgasmia

Even though the person is aroused and has plenty of stimulation, nothing can push them over the edge: they don't achieve orgasm.

This might be frustrating for them, but it might be okay. 

They can feel satisfied with the encounter, and their sexual arousal can decline after. Or they can be frustrated by believing that they are missing out.

I want men with Anorgasmia to know a couple of things:

Firstly, I can do magic, but I can't work miracles. I don't guarantee to make you come.

Secondly, you don't have to try to cover it up... I have seen this often, and it is far more common than you might realise.

How do men attempt to cover up Anorgasmia?

Well, it is obvious they haven't come. 

We can all see that.

But sometimes they'll insist on trying for ages, "Keep going, almost there."

Really it isn't

I know it isn't

Do they know too or are they trying to fool themselves?

Are they hard? Yes, they might well be rock-hard. I tell them to do it themselves, they might have better luck in their own hand.

I also tell them. "Don't worry, not every man has an orgasm. Some can't."

What I'm really saying is, I'm done here. Reality check.

Now, not every man with Anorgasmia keeps going in the hope that a miracle will happen. Many are realistic and tell me they are finished. They know that orgasms can be difficult to achieve.

What Causes of Anorgasmia & Treatments & Cures

There are many reasons for it. Similar to PE and ED, Anorgasmia can be a side effect of medication or a medical condition.

Alternatively, it can often be a result of something in the mind, such as anxiety.

If this is you, you might want to get to the bottom of it: do you orgasm sometimes or never? When did the Problem begin? Can you link it to anything?

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ANORGASMIA?

Anorgasmia, the inability to achieve orgasm despite adequate sexual stimulation, can affect people of all genders and can be due to a range of physical, psychological, and medication-related causes. Here’s a breakdown of the most common causes:

1. Psychological Factors

• Anxiety and Stress: Daily life stressors, performance anxiety, or generalized anxiety disorders can impact sexual arousal and the ability to reach orgasm.
• Depression: Depression can reduce libido, energy, and interest in sexual activities, which can lead to anorgasmia.
• Body Image Issues and Low Self-Esteem: Feeling self-conscious or having a negative body image can interfere with sexual satisfaction and orgasm.
• Relationship Issues: Lack of emotional connection, trust issues, or unresolved conflicts can disrupt sexual intimacy and satisfaction.
• Trauma and Abuse History: A history of sexual trauma or abuse can create deep-seated psychological blocks that make achieving orgasm challenging.
• Performance Pressure: Trying too hard to achieve orgasm can lead to heightened pressure and anxiety, which may have the opposite effect.

2. Medical Conditions

• Hormonal Imbalances: Low estrogen levels (in women) or low testosterone (in both men and women) can reduce sexual desire and sensitivity, making orgasm difficult to achieve.
• Diabetes: Uncontrolled diabetes can damage blood vessels and nerves, potentially leading to reduced genital sensation.
• Neurological Disorders: Conditions like multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, and spinal cord injuries can interfere with nerve signals necessary for orgasm.
• Chronic Pain or Illness: Conditions like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome can make physical activities, including sex, exhausting and uncomfortable.
• Gynecological or Urological Issues: Conditions affecting reproductive or urinary organs, such as endometriosis or prostate issues, can cause discomfort or numbness during sex.

3. Medication Side Effects

• Antidepressants (SSRIs and SNRIs): Many antidepressants are known to interfere with sexual desire and orgasm.
• Blood Pressure Medications: Certain medications used to manage hypertension, like beta-blockers, can dampen sexual function.
• Antipsychotics: These medications can affect libido and orgasm due to their impact on dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in pleasure.
• Hormonal Contraceptives: Some forms of hormonal birth control may lower libido and affect orgasm.
• Opioids and Recreational Drugs: Prescription opioids and recreational drug use can lower libido and cause sexual dysfunction.

4. Lifestyle Factors

• Alcohol and Substance Use: Alcohol and drugs can impair arousal and sexual response. While a small amount of alcohol may reduce inhibitions, excess can have the opposite effect.
• Sedentary Lifestyle: Physical fitness can impact circulation and stamina, both of which contribute to sexual satisfaction and response.
• Lack of Sleep: Fatigue from poor sleep can dampen libido and impact sexual responsiveness.

5. Age-Related Factors

• Menopause (in Women): The hormonal changes of menopause, especially the drop in estrogen, can lead to decreased vaginal lubrication and sensitivity, impacting orgasm.
• Andropause (in Men): A gradual reduction in testosterone levels can lower libido and sexual function, making orgasm more challenging.

6. Cultural or Societal Influences

• Religious or Cultural Beliefs: Some people experience internal conflicts if they were raised with strict or negative beliefs about sexuality, leading to guilt or inhibition.
• Sexual Education Gaps: Lack of education about sexual health, anatomy, or self-stimulation techniques may leave some people unaware of how to achieve sexual satisfaction.

7. Physical Incompatibility or Inexperience

• Inadequate Stimulation or Foreplay: Insufficient arousal can make it challenging to reach orgasm, especially in women, who often require extended foreplay.
• Misinformation about Sexual Preferences: Not knowing personal or partner preferences may lead to less satisfying sexual experiences.

Understanding the cause of anorgasmia is key to finding effective treatment, which may involve counseling, lifestyle changes, medical adjustments, or open communication with a partner.

Male Orgasms Don't Require An Erection

 If only more people knew erections and orgasms don't have to go together then the world might be a better place.

Women certainly don't need a man with a hardon for us to have an orgasm!

But a man doesn't need to be standing upright either - and a lot of people don't know this.

The penis should be thoroughly researched so grab the nearest one to hand (if it is legal to do so) and get investigating.

Speaking of researching orgasms without blood-filled rods, here's an article on orgasm after prostate surgerynull.

Will an Erotic Lingam Massage Cure Erection and Ejaculation Problems?

 Massage should not be the only thing you rely on for a treatment.

If you have erectile dysfunction it might be a temporary problem, perhaps related to stress. But if it persists, it is vital you talk to a doctor about it.

Massage/stimulation might be a part of the treatment prescribed by your doctor as part of some treatment regimes. But don't self-prescribe without getting yourself checked out.

I also get enquiries from men who suffer with premature ejaculation and other ejaculation issues. You can visit me but I can't promise a cure. I can't diagnose the cause.

Again, see a doctor. 

Make sure you understand and treat the root cause of your problem.

Lingam Massage is a treat that might also be a part of your treatment but it will never be a magic cure.

Public Opinion Is In Favour of Keeping Sex Work Legal

 Having sex for money and paying for sex, AKA prostitution, is legal in the UK for both the punter and the worker.

There are rules! 

Some things are against the law, such as bottles, pimps, and doing the trade out in a public place. But the general principle is that we can LEGALLY offer services with our bodies if we want to.

"Hey, babe. Wanna good time?"

Soliciting on the streets isn't allowed, and approaching people to ask for prostitution services is also a crime. 

Controlling one or more prostitutes is called pimping, and that's against the law too. 

Running a brothel isn't acceptable, and that also means two women can't even share work premises for safety and cost-cutting economies of scale.

"Business, mister?"

It is LEGAL So long as it is out of sight, off the streets, not causing a public nuisance, and doesn't involve trafficked women or underage kids.

And then, next-to-no-one cares.

In fact, British people think sex work conducted in a private place between consenting adults is perfectly acceptable and should be legal.

Women Should Control Women's Bodies Not the State

A big survey conducted earlier in 2024 by YouGov found the majority of Brits feel the same way as me (I am not surprised).

Only 

• 28% say it should be illegal to pay for sex.
• 24% say it should be illegal to work as a prostitute in a private place.

It isn't that Brits want a libertarian free-for-all:

• 72% say street prostitution should be illegal, and it is.

It is a matter of principle that consenting adults should be able to do what they want with their bodies behind closed doors. 

And under our capitalist system, that should also include exchanging money for personal and intimate services.

It makes no sense that I can massage you ALL OVER with my hands but not involve other parts of my body if we both like the idea of that.

**** please note. I don't offer that extra service I really do only use my hands. But I strongly support the principle that other men and women should be able to do ALL the things with their bodies. ****

It doesn't mean YOU, as an individual, have to get involved in the SEX WORK business as a customer or even approve of it.

Here are some other things that women should be able to do with their bodies if they so choose without state interference regardless of whether other people approve:

• Have a termination of pregnancy
• Have cosmetic surgery
• Decide what she wears
• Have a tattoo
• Drink alcohol
• Consent to medical treatment
• Choose who she marries or whether not to get married
• 
  

 Making these things illegal isn't helpful and can be harmful, but guidelines to keep people safe are welcome.

Is it the Right Day to Visit an Independent Masseuse?

 From my point of view there is no explanation or pattern to when men want to visit me.

I jokingly say there is feast or famine, but I have no idea why. 

Generally I'll have no bookings for several days -- a completely open diary -- and then 3 people will all want to visit me at the same time.

And that time will probably when I have a doctors appointment. You know Doctors are rarer than minotaurs, so I won't be cancelling any appointment to see one.

If there was a logical pattern to it, what would it be?

Sundays are a day of rest and what better way to relax?

Or sunny summer days can get one all hot and bothered and send your mind to thinking erotic thoughts.

Or rainy weather ruined all your plans to do stuff outside so now you need to do something different.

Or Friday afternoons should involve winding down at the end of the week.

You may try to work out some logic but really there is none. There is no pattern.

I can't honestly say one day is usually busier or quieter than another.

Full Body Massage or Body-to-Body Erotic Massage

The advertising around sensual massage is full of phrases, acronyms, and jargon.

Only last week, someone contacted me asking for Body-to-Body, which I don't do. They didn't want it anyway; they had just misworded their message to me.

Q: What is a Full Body Massage?

A: It is touching and stimulating your whole body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. I could touch you anywhere - external only (except for women this might include inside the vagina).

Actually, I don't massage faces though some people do and it is rather nice!

Q: Does a Full Body Massage include genitals?

A: Your private parts are part of your body -- so, yes!

Q: What about the Anus?

A: I don't insert anything into your bum. For men this would be called a prostate massage, which isn't something I offer. There are people who do this specifically.

Q: What is Body-to-Body Massage?

A: Two naked oiled bodies slipping and sliding over each other -- nice, if you like that sort of thing. 

To me, it doesn't sound appealing at all. If you want to be sexually adventurous and try everything on offer that is fine, but don't worry of some things don't sound nice and you don't want to try them.

The only thing I'd add is that to my mind it isn't really massage. I do not offer this. 

You don't have to try everything!

How Much does it Cost for an Erotic Sensual Massage in the UK?

 I wonder how many people see my advert but quickly scroll past because they see the minimum fee is £160.

Some advertising directories place the minimum fee high in the listing, so it's the first thing you see.

My £160 is alongside many listings that are around £60, which might make you wonder if there is a typo somewhere.

Dig deeper. Take a few minutes to look at the listings. 

The most obvious difference is that my listing is for a 90-minute massage, which takes place within a two-hour time slot. In other words, I charge £80 per hour. The £60 adverts are typically for a 30-minute session. 

It is not that one is better or worse; it is that they are very different things.

On a per-minute basis, the £60 session is more expensive, not cheaper.

But it is like comparing apples and perfume; they aren't the same thing. A quickie is one thing; a relaxed morning is quite different. 

***

Reassuringly expensive is the phrase that comes to mind.

***

There are plenty of other differences between services on offer. 

One thing you should know is that many of the people offering massage have minimal or no training in massage. They are making it up as they go along. Some of us are qualified and experienced.

Another thing to check is what is actually on offer. 

For some people, the term "massage" is a euphemism for many sexual services, including full sex. Getting you to do more and pay more might be a part of the process. This should be clear in the advertising, but sometimes it isn't.

I offer a massage. I'm qualified and experienced, and I only use my hands. And there will be no extra charges.

***

To sum up: 

* In the UK, in 2024, you should expect to pay around £100 per hour for an erotic sensual massage. 

* But you need to do a little more research to make sure you are 100% clear about what is on offer.

Many masseuses have a minimum 2-hour booking slot. Some people offer a 30-minute massage, which will be very different.

experts on erections and why your penis doesn't work

 I like to think of myself as an expert on this subject, through hands on experience, talking to people, and reading.

I wrote a bit on EDF back in May - I highly recommend you read it! But I just stumbled n this article which you might find interesting.

https://austinurologyinstitute.com/blog/reasons-why-men-lose-erections-during-sex-dr-shaw-weighs-in/

Tantric Massage in the UK

 I frequently hear from clients that they've had massages at other places with other women and the experience was very different to what they had with me.

Sometimes, NEW-to-me clients will say they know what to expect as they've had a tantric massage before. 

I would warn that the terms MASSAGE or TANTRA can encompass many different types of experience. You may have had a massage or a tantric massage but that doesn't mean it will be anything like the experience available with me.

We are all unique.

Not all massages are the same. 

Not all tantric massages are the same.

One problem is that any woman hoping to earn a little extra money can set up as a tantric massage therapist with no knowledge at all. Tantric and massage being the "KEYWORDS" but almost meaningless.  Some people will offer a massage but actually have no idea how to do it. 

***Stroking, tickling, scratching or sex acts are not massages!!!!***

Partly you get out of it what you put in to it.

When you visit me for an erotic sexy tantric massage, my advice is:

* Get rid of your preconceived ideas and go in openminded.

* As the client you are expected to do nothing so don't try to guide the session.

* As much as possible relax. Close your eyes. Concentrate on your own body or your breathing if that helps.

You aren't in charge! You aren't in control! Enjoy it!

Lingam Massage and Penile Hypospadias

You can read about Hypospadias, but in my job I've had my eyes opened to something that I might have never otherwise known about.

I'm almost 60 years of age and rarely have I come across it mentioned by anyone ever.

I was surprised when I first saw a man ejaculate with the white stuff shooting out of a place far from where I had expected it to emerge. 

I was about 30 years of age then.

Since then I've see so many I've lost count. I have noticed that while most men's slit is on the crown, there isn't a consistent exact location. That opening is all over the place! And sometimes at the ridge rather than within the smoothed dome area.

Even though I've seen thousands, I have still only seen a hand full of dicks with an opening someway down the shaft. I don't know how rare that is but by my own experience it's less than 1 in 1,000; perhaps 5 in 10,000? 

I don't think anyone should be worried about this. 

If a body is healthy and works okay then something a little unusual isn't a big deal.

What is Erotic Massage and is it Legal in the UK

 An erotic massage is a massage that is sexy and intended to get you aroused.

Exactly what is involved will vary from person to person so my service will not be the same as an erotic massage offered by someone else.

Will you have an orgasm? That is usual.

But is Erotic Massage Legal?

I remember a client calling me to tell me they were approaching my house but there was a police car outside. 

I went to my window to have a look because I had no knowledge of this. They must have been visiting a neighbour.

Police aren't something I worry about because I am not involved in anything criminal.

***

As of the time of writing (July 2024) yes it is legal for a customer to pay for an erotic massage.

In fact, sexual services are legal in the UK mostly. However, things related to prostitution can be illegal. 

For example:

1) it is legal to pay a person for sex, it is illegal to approach women in the streets offering to pay them for sex.

2) it is legal to pay an adult who has the legal right to work in the UK, it is not legal to engage with traffickers so as to get access to sex slaves and children.

There are thousands of legit sex workers in the UK so you are unlikely to come across traffickers unless you go some very dodgy routes. In particular be very wary of any business where women provide a service but men make the arrangements.